James Corden sucks, spouts clichés, knows nothing about Rams

Saturday, January 16, 2016 10:50 PM

First of all, LARams.net  is shocked that the Late Late Show continues to exist; secondly, that anyone watches this particularly excruciating example of the late-night gabfest; and lastly that any American gives one tiny fuck about any talk show since the retirements of David Letterman and John Stewart.

But let’s say you are, against all odds, a fan of the late-night talkshow genre. Maybe you’re a child of the 1980s who remembers Arsenio Hall fondly and to this day just can’t give up the addiction to mindless patter with Beautiful People peppered with the occasional freakazoid nutjob or YouTubable moment. No matter: Because after a maximum of 10 minutes spent viewing an episode of the Late Late Show, even the “connoisseur” will reach one inescapable conclusion: Wow, does James Corden suck.

Seriously, the best thing this dude has ever contributed to pop culture on either side of the Atlantic is a couple of guest appearances on Doctor Who in which he played third fiddle to the title character and a baby calling himself Stormageddon. (You had to be there.)

And for an example of the droll wit for which Corden is capable of spontaneously summoning, be sure to check out this clip of the Tubby Kid attempting to embarrass Patrick Stewart on some awards show – which is about the level to which Corden should be forever strapped.

Naturally, Corden later gave Stewart an apology, always the hallmark of a confident comic.

In any case, Corden apparently got topical last week in presenting his writers’ views on the Rams’ announced return to Los Angeles. LARams.net  discovered this, um, gem utterly by accident on YouTube, an unhappy coincidence that could keep me away from the file-sharing site for a long time.

After proclaiming the move – in face of a loud round of applause – “another thing for the people of Los Angeles to pretend to care about” and somehow taking credit for the recent opening of a Dunkin' Donuts outlet in Los Angeles (was that even a joke?), Corden goes on to rip off material from *Basketball* (released in 1998) for fuck’s sake (as they’d say in Corden’s home country to which he should be re-extradited whenever convenient).

The audience laughs as though they’d never heard the oft-repeated stuff before and/or were utterly unaware that a thing called South Park even exits. On the other hand, given the mirth displayed in response to this garbage, they quite possibly aren’t.

And since moving back to Los Angeles, says Corden, the team is “now going to call tryouts ‘auditions’ and ask you to bring a headshot when you come...” Oh ho ho ho! That joke was the bee’s knees, Uncle Milty! Now tell a Dolly Parton joke!

No, no – better get more topical, there, Mr. Corden. So … how about comparing Nick Foles to Napoleon Dynamite? I mean, yeah, they look exactly alike except basically completely different! And that’s a recent film, too! 2004 is recent, right? Good enough – and hey, the Millennials will love it, dude!

James, just do us a favour and just ... not mention the Rams again for as long as you insist on staying in Los Angeles and further mucking up American airwaves, mmmmkay? That’d be great. (Contemporary enough reference for you there or...?)

– written by Os Davis

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